“Women Speak Two Languages, One of Which is Verbal.”

“Women Speak Two Languages, One of Which is Verbal.”

The idea that “women speak two languages, one of which is verbal” draws attention to the complexity and nuance of human communication, especially when it comes to how women express themselves. This phrase captures the notion that women, perhaps more than men, often communicate on multiple levels simultaneously, blending words with nonverbal cues, emotional subtleties, and intuitive signals. The ability to speak in “two languages” — the verbal and the nonverbal — is not unique to women, but it can be argued that women have often been socialized to develop more acute skills in reading and interpreting nonverbal communication.

In this article, we will explore the verbal and nonverbal languages women often use to communicate, why these skills have been cultivated, and how understanding this dual communication style can improve relationships, workplace dynamics, and overall understanding between the sexes. We will also explore the historical and societal influences that shape women’s communication and how those factors have contributed to the perception that women are “multilingual” in ways that go beyond mere words.

The Verbal Language: Expressing Through Words

Verbal communication, the most obvious and direct way humans interact, involves the use of spoken or written words to convey messages. This form of communication is structured, clear, and often relies on explicit language to make intentions known. Women, like men, use verbal communication to articulate their thoughts, express their desires, and engage in conversations. However, studies and cultural observations often point to differences in how men and women communicate verbally.

1. Differences in Speech Patterns

Many researchers have found that women tend to use language in ways that foster connection, empathy, and collaboration. Conversations among women often involve more active listening, expressions of agreement, and efforts to create rapport. Linguist Deborah Tannen has studied gendered communication patterns extensively, noting that women are more likely to use speech as a way to build relationships, whereas men often use it to assert dominance or convey information.

For example, women might use “hedges” (e.g., “I feel like,” “maybe,” or “kind of”) to soften their speech and invite collaboration, while men may speak more directly and assertively. Women might also engage in “tag questions” (e.g., “It’s nice out today, isn’t it?”) as a way to encourage conversation and make their listener feel included.

2. Verbal Communication as Emotional Expression

Verbal language can also be used to express emotions, and studies have shown that women are generally more comfortable articulating their feelings verbally than men. Women are more likely to use language to describe their emotional experiences in detail, discussing how they feel and why. This may be due in part to socialization—women are often encouraged to express vulnerability and emotionality in ways that men are not.

Women’s verbal communication, therefore, often includes not just factual information but also layers of emotional meaning. This can lead to deeper, more personal conversations but can also sometimes result in misunderstandings when these emotional cues are missed or misinterpreted, especially by men who may not be socialized to look for them in verbal exchanges.

The Nonverbal Language: Communication Beyond Words

The “second language” that women speak is nonverbal, encompassing facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, eye contact, and gestures. These nonverbal cues often carry just as much, if not more, weight than the words themselves, providing context, emotional depth, and additional meaning to what is being said. In fact, some researchers suggest that up to 93% of communication is nonverbal, which means that words alone are often insufficient to fully grasp what someone is expressing.

1. The Role of Body Language

Body language plays a huge role in communication, especially for women, who may be more attuned to using and interpreting nonverbal signals. These can include gestures, posture, and physical proximity. For instance, a woman might lean in closer during a conversation to signal interest or concern, or use more open body language to indicate warmth and receptivity.

Conversely, crossed arms or a lack of eye contact might signal discomfort, disinterest, or defensiveness. Understanding these signals is essential for effective communication, as they can sometimes convey messages that are contrary to the spoken words. For example, someone may verbally agree with a statement while their body language—such as avoiding eye contact or turning away—indicates hesitation or disagreement.

2. Facial Expressions and Emotional Nuance

Facial expressions are another crucial aspect of nonverbal communication. Women are often socialized to be more emotionally expressive through their faces, which can reveal a range of emotions from happiness and enthusiasm to sadness, frustration, or anger. A smile, a raised eyebrow, or a slight frown can all dramatically alter the meaning of what’s being said.

For example, a simple “I’m fine” may be accompanied by a forced smile or a tight jaw, signaling that the speaker is anything but fine. This kind of layered communication requires listeners to be attuned to the nonverbal signals in order to fully understand the emotional state behind the words. Women often communicate this way instinctively, expecting others to pick up on these cues even if they are not explicitly stated.

3. Tone of Voice and Its Subtle Power

Tone of voice—its pitch, volume, and intonation—is another key element of nonverbal communication. The same sentence can convey vastly different meanings depending on how it is said. A soft, gentle tone may indicate kindness or care, while a sharper, louder tone could signal frustration or urgency. Women often use tone of voice to add emotional nuance to their words, which can either clarify or complicate the message they are trying to convey.

Tone is especially important in situations where words might be ambiguous. For example, a sarcastic comment like “Oh, that’s just great” can be easily misunderstood if the listener is not attuned to the subtle differences in tone that suggest sarcasm rather than genuine praise.

Why Women Are Often Skilled at Dual Communication

The ability to speak in both verbal and nonverbal “languages” has been honed by women through centuries of socialization, cultural expectations, and gender roles. Women have often been positioned as caregivers, nurturers, and peacekeepers, roles that require a high degree of emotional intelligence and sensitivity to the needs and emotions of others. As a result, women have developed a keen ability to communicate not just through words, but through emotional and nonverbal cues that are essential for maintaining harmony and building relationships.

1. Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence—the ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions—is often considered one of the key components of effective communication. Women, on average, tend to score higher on measures of emotional intelligence, particularly in the areas of empathy and emotional regulation. This allows women to not only express their own emotions more effectively but also to pick up on the emotions of others, even when they are not verbally expressed.

This heightened emotional intelligence gives women an edge in nonverbal communication, as they are often more adept at reading facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice. It also enables them to adjust their own communication style to fit the emotional needs of a conversation, using both verbal and nonverbal cues to build connection and understanding.

2. Historical and Societal Influences

Throughout history, women have often been in positions where direct communication was not always an option. In many cultures and societies, women were expected to be demure, indirect, or even silent, while still finding ways to exert influence and communicate their desires or needs. This led to the development of a more nuanced form of communication, one that relied heavily on subtle signals, nonverbal cues, and emotional expression.

Even today, women are often encouraged to be more empathetic, nurturing, and cooperative in their communication styles. These societal expectations have reinforced women’s ability to communicate on multiple levels, blending verbal and nonverbal cues to create a richer, more layered form of expression.

Challenges of Dual Communication: Misunderstandings and Gender Differences

While women’s ability to speak two languages can be an asset, it can also lead to misunderstandings, particularly in interactions with men, who may not be as attuned to nonverbal cues or as comfortable with emotional expression. This can create a communication gap, where women feel that their emotions or intentions are not being understood, while men may find women’s communication styles to be overly complex or indirect.

1. The “Unspoken” Message Problem

One of the challenges of dual communication is that much of the nonverbal language women use is unspoken, which can sometimes lead to confusion. For example, a woman might express discomfort through her body language—crossing her arms, avoiding eye contact—while verbally saying that everything is fine. If the listener fails to pick up on the nonverbal signals, the woman may feel that her true feelings are being ignored, while the listener may believe that nothing is wrong.

2. Differences in Communication Styles Between Genders

Research suggests that men and women often communicate differently, with men typically focusing more on direct, goal-oriented conversation, while women tend to prioritize emotional connection and collaboration. These differences can sometimes lead to frustration in mixed-gender conversations, where women may feel that their nonverbal cues are being missed, and men may feel that women are not being straightforward enough.

Bridging this communication gap requires both men and women to be more aware of each other’s communication styles. For women, this might mean being more explicit about their feelings rather than relying on nonverbal cues alone. For men, it may involve paying closer attention to body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions, and understanding that these signals can carry just as much meaning as words.

Conclusion: The Power of Dual Communication

“Women speak two languages, one of which is verbal” is more than just a clever observation; it highlights the profound complexity of human communication and the essential role that both verbal and nonverbal cues play in expressing emotions, intentions, and desires. Women, through a combination of socialization, emotional intelligence, and cultural expectations, have developed a sophisticated ability to blend these two forms of communication, creating rich, layered interactions that go beyond the spoken word.

Understanding and appreciating this dual communication style is crucial for improving relationships, fostering collaboration, and bridging the communication gap between genders. By recognizing the importance of nonverbal cues and emotional expression, we can all become better communicators—more attuned to the nuances of what is being said, and what is not. True communication requires listening not just to the words, but to the unspoken language that accompanies them, allowing for deeper understanding and connection in both personal and professional relationships.

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